Funny Stuff: Houston, we have a problem…

Funny Stuff, Writing
Originally published on June 6, 2009 on YouAlreadyKnowWhoItIs.com.

Yo.  Sup.  You Already Know Who It Is.  It’s me over here doin my thing again.  Gettin back to what I’m getting back to, nah mean?  As most of you know, I mainly stay on my bullsh*t when I’m up here waxing unapologetically and unpoetically about absolutely nothin at all.  But yo, I have a serious problem!  Real talk.  Straight up and down.   I recently realized that I’m a f*ckin sleepwalker!!! sleepwalking_ WTF??  At first I thought this sh*t was kinda funny, but my last little episode freaked me out!  But before I get into that, I’ll back up to my first little episode. A few weeks ago, I had a headache one night, so I took some of the generic nite time headache medicine that I had in the drawer.  Nothing crazy, just two small blue pills from the bottle I bought at the pharmacy. redsandblues I’ve taken these things before when I’ve had headaches and had zero problems, but something weird happened this time around.  When I woke up the next morning, I looked to my left and instead of seeing at my alarm clock, I was looking at my wall?  Huh?  So then I rolled to my left, as I always do every morning, and instead of rolling out of the bed, I rolled further into the bed.  WTF??  So I sat up and realized that my head was at the foot of the bed and my feet were at the top of the bed!  What?  I didn’t go to bed facing this way!  When the hell did this happen?? So I got out of bed and looked around and nothing was really out of place.  The sheets weren’t all messed up, so I must have gotten out of the bed, got my pillow and got back into the bed facing the opposite direction.  When did I do this?  Bizarre!  It was so random that I sent a text to a few of my friends telling them about what happened. Almost everyone replied “were you drunk?  No, wasn’t drunk.  Some asked “you had a chick over?”  No, went to bed by myself.  One said “you’re a f*ckin weird dude!”  Yeah, no sh*t. Just want to say thanks everyone for the outpouring of support in my time of need for some clarity! Love you all!  (F*ckers!) So that 1st occurrence came and went.  It was weird, but nothing that stayed on my mind that long.  Fast forward to last night.  Again, late night headache.  This time is was because I’m sick.  Two of my good friends came thru last weekend and I partied myself into the ground!  PARTY MODE!!! drunk-Ok, I definitely wasn’t as bad as this dude, but we went hard enough for me to loose my voice for a couple of days and then develop a crazy cough!  Yuck!  It’s whatever thou.  Dudes had a great time!  I’d do it all over again!  So like I said, had the headache again, so I popped the magic blue pills… viagraand went to sleep.  Fast forward to 6:30 am.  I get up (facing the right direction this time), go to the bathroom, go to the kitchen and turn on the lights.  Why is there a pack of cheese on the counter?? CheeseI didn’t have any cheese last night!  And why is there an empty cheese wrapper in the sink?  What The F*ck Is Going On??? So since I didn’t remember eating any cheese, I got a little freaked out!  Did someone run up in my crib last night and eat my cheese?  I looked at my front door and both locks were still locked.  Checked the balcony door and it was still locked too.  I didn’t taste any cheese on my breath.  I looked around and I didn’t see a random slice of cheese anywhere.  WTF?? After standing there for a minute totally bewildered, I came to the conclusion that it must have been me who ate the cheese.  I must have sleepwalked my way into the kitchen, opened the fridge, took out the whole pack of cheese, took out one slice, ate it, threw the wrapper in the sink, left the rest of the pack on the counter and then went back to bed.  Who the hell does that??  Well….obviously, I guess I do.  Seriously, this is flippin WEIRD even for YAKWII standards!! So after coming to grips with the idea that I’m a sleepwalkin, late nite cheese eater, I did get a little concerned for myself.  Started thinkin “what if I had went outside?” or  “what if I went and knocked on someone else’s front door?”  This is some serious sh*t!  I have zero recollection of getting up last night, let alone eating a slice of cheese!  Kinda scary! Well, I’ll tell you one thing…no more magic blue pills for me!!!  I’m straight!  I’ll just have to fight thru the headache next time!  I’m still not 100% sure if the blue pills are the source of my sleepwalking, but as a precaution, I’ll probably put a chair or two in front of my front door, so it will make it harder for me to leave if I try to make a run for it.  Sh*t is bananas!  Can’t even make up sh*t like this!  I really don’t even know how to wrap this story up, so I’ll just say to all the YAKWII fans…. BEWARE OF THE MAGIC BLUE PILLS!!! BLUES2 One.

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