Dear Big Homie T. Woods,
Real talk. Man to man. I know you’re goin thru some things right now, but let me get in your ear real quick. I’m gonna need you to follow these instructions, so we can get your situation right. Trust me on this one, fam. We gonna get you right. First and foremost, I’m gonna need you to fire up one of your fancy laptops, open up a web browser and log onto YouAlreadyKnowWhoItIs.com.
Aiight, you on the site? Bet. Ok, scroll down until you see the post titled “Note to Tiger…” You there? Aiight, you see that pic of that shorty? Yeah, that’s your wife, Elin. (No disrespect). Ok, I’m gonna need you to follow these next instructions very, very carefully:
1. Click on the pic to enlarge it.
2. Mouse up to the top navigation buttons on your browser.
3. Click File.
4. Then click Print. Be sure to print to your color printer!
5. Check the printout of the pic to make sure it looks clean and crispy.
6. Ok, now you can log off of YouAlreadyKnowWhoItIs.com and shut down the computer.
Now, I’m sure you’re now asking yourself why I had you print out a picture of your wife in a bikini? Well buddy, not sure if you knew this, but the picture that you’re holding in your hand right now is the closest you’re going to be to seeing your wife naked for at least a year and a half, kid! Real talk.
She got you on six months quarantine for each of those chicks you stroked off! Yeah, she really just son’d you and you can’t do sh*t about it. I just hope for your sake that no more chicks come thru sayin that you hit a hole-in-one with them too.
We figured that if you get the urge (and you will) that you can at least go take care of what you have to take care of with a pic of the woman who you share (shared) a bed with at night. (We know she got you sleepin on the couch!)
Good luck and God Speed buddy!
P.S. – If I were you, I’d keep that pic in a special hidden place because if your wife finds it, she’s gonna f*ck you up again! Doesn’t even matter that it’s a pic of her! These chicks is crazy man! Don’t test her.